


A Sea of Longing, A Lifetime of Regrets

by Last_Dragomir



Category: Assassin's Creed - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/F, Kassandra Conqueror of Cities and Titties, Kassandra and her lady love, Kyssandra - Freeform, Lesbian Character, Romance, Shameless Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-27 21:40:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18199655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Last_Dragomir/pseuds/Last_Dragomir
Summary: Kassandra reminisces of the fleeting moment where she had the love of her life in her hands. Her first love, her first heartbreak.





	A Sea of Longing, A Lifetime of Regrets

 

For updates, songs, muse ideas and prompts visit me on Twitter @Last_Dragomir or Tumblr @Last-Dragomir16 don't be shy!

 

_Cheers, eh!_

_Last_Dragomir_

**DISCLAIMER: All recognizable Assassin's Creed Characters and their setting belongs intellectually to Ubisoft and the formal channels. I am only responsible for the situations and character development in these.**

************************************************************************************************************

**A Sea of Regrets, a Lifetime of Longing**

  


I couldn’t tell you with certainty when it all became a blur to me, but it did. The endless spilling of blood, the slashes, the chasing, it all eventually became one and the same. The contract on my pater’s head was a burden on my heart as was the burning desire for revenge. I was tired, that was for sure, but I couldn’t stop, not then, there was just so much ahead to solve. The fate of the whole Greek world was on my shoulders, perhaps even more than Greece was at stake. I could feel the crushing weight settle into my bones as the Adrestia took to sea, time and time again. Into Poseidon’s realm we would go, the only place where, I could find moments of peace from the chaos that had become my life since leaving Kephallonia.

 

I was young when it happened and perhaps that was my first mistake. If I said I remembered how it happened, I would be blasphemous in my own right. Barnabas didn’t like when I lied, so I refrained from it, but the truth was there for anyone to see. When Barnabas told me about the strange letter addressed to me, I was skeptical. Many people wanted to hire my services since I had already swayed some of the war towards Sparta’s side. Tales had been told of the mercenaries I had slaughtered, and how my head would not bow to man nor beast alike. High demand, was what Barnabas called it. A heavy burden is what Herodotos had chimed in with, but it sounded just the same. A task no one but the mighty Eagle Bearer could fix.

 

When I arrived at the docks in Mykonos it felt like any other island. Upon first glance, there was  little that made it stand out from the other islands. I felt myself grow impatient at Barnabas with his tales of the Gods mixed with the letter’s instructions. I was so naive, so young and impulsive that as soon as he had finished reading, I had set off to meet the so-called rebellion, hidden deep within the tunnels of the city.

 

When I had arrived, more blades pointed at me than when I had snuck into Athenian military camps. It was not the welcome I expected, ‘ _But it was better than getting killed on sight_ . Except, that’s when the dagger bit into the wooden beam beside me, inches from my face, making my blood boil. _‘Stay calm Kassandra, you’re here to help’_ I had tried telling myself. But calmness was forgotten when I turned to see who had delivered the errant blade, as soon as my eyes fell upon the woman, I felt my breath catch in my throat. I wasn’t inexperienced with women, not by a long shot, Odessa still warmed my bed at night in the ship when she wasn’t warming Kapaneus’ bed. However, this woman seared me with her eyes as she drank me in,in a way that I hadn’t experienced before.

 

With much difficulty, I ignored when she called me an Athenian, with even more difficulty I dismissed the fact that she had called me dirty. It dawned on me, if this was the Kyra the letter spoke of, then this would be more difficult than I had foreseen. Monumental even, if this energy between us intensified any stronger with her closeness. I could smell the alcohol on her breath as she came close and I presented my case regarding the accusation of me being a spy.

 

When Kyra’s beautiful brown eyes had shone with the realization of who I was, I wanted to smirk at her naiveness and come closer tempted by her lips. She wouldn’t take the letter from my hands, and in spite of being drunk, she took a moment to explain the situation. She was apologetic in her blunder but not overly so and I liked how she got straight to the point. There was a tyrant—much like the Cyclops of Kephallonia— striking fear into the hearts of the population. Kyra just wanted to help, to shift power, to bring austerity and to take down the man who terrified minds of the oppressed. Kyra didn’t seem that different from me and as time moved on I realized how much that struck true.

 

I would never forget the first time I fought beside the rebel, she was drunk but efficient. It fed into my curiosity and I wanted to know more of the stunning tanned warrior. Of course, the Gods had obstacles for me, because they always do. The Spartan man with a mourning beard had gathered Kyra in his arms as soon as I had helped them clear the beach of the Athenians. As my jaw clenched, I realized I hadn’t been the only Spartan to be marvelled by the rebels’ charms. Somehow, I was smugly convinced I would be the one to prevail.

 

I took Kyra’s side at every opportunity as the woman grew to trust me. Thaletas was preoccupied with glory, while such things didn’t concern me. I was certain I could help and gave my advice when welcomed, but in reality, my concern was Kyra’s rich dark skin, the luscious lips, the longing looks. The more time we spent together the more I wanted to draw her close, to kiss her lips, to feel her shiver beneath me while she whispered my name. Kyra was all I could think of when I’d lay my head at night in the Adrestia, I could think of nothing else but when I would see her again.

 

I noticed Thaletas wouldn’t accompany her in prayer. Kyra prayed to Artemis and Thaletas wasn’t a fan of the Goddess of the hunt and chastity. I wasn’t interested in Gods at all, but if Artemis was the way to Kyra’s heart, then I would put forward the effort for her. We would spend mornings in prayer and afternoons sacrificing the hunt of the day. She would pray for guidance and I would pray for her. This continued as we slowly made way with the rebellion, not wanting to fall off the task that got me onto the islands in the first place.

 

It was a sunny afternoon in Artemis Hills when it happened. We had been hunting ibex freely as Kyra’s laughter graced my ears. I wanted nothing else but to hear the sound over and over again since it made the longing in my heart easier. When the laughter died down and I turned to see what had prompted the silence I could see that Kyra was just inches away. I felt her breath on my lips, as she looked into my eyes hungrily, I felt the shiver run down my body and when she reached for my face to caress, I couldn’t take it anymore. With a hand behind the nape of her neck, I pulled her closer, kissing her lips with the fervour  of the sea waves that swallowed men whole. I wanted Kyra, and now I was sure she wanted me as well.

 

As the days blurred into weeks, I spent more time with the rebel. I hated how we would sneak around to steal kisses and caresses. When she would give herself to me, I took greedily without thought or care for Thaletas, she was mine in those moments where my name fell from her lips. I lived for the stolen chances I would get, but my resentment grew tenfold when in public she would cling to the Spartan’s arm.

 

It was one night under the stars after the hunt that I realized what I wanted. I remember the feeling of the grass on my bare skin while I ran my hands down the smooth skin of her back. Spitefully, I held back the lump in my throat. My scent was all over her, as she held me tighter and I smiled thinking she seemed dressed in all of me stretched across my shame. I felt as if all the torment and the pain had leaked through and covered me. The pain of Greece, of being the Champion, of not having a normal life, of missing moments like this with the one I love. I'd do anything to have her to myself, just to have her for myself, but with Thaletas in the picture, I didn’t know what to do.

 

She was everything to me, the unrequited dream, the song that no one sang, the unattainable. The whole Greek world spoke of my feats as if I was a Goddess or a legend, but she was a myth that I had to believe in and all I needed to make the story in my mind reality was one more reason. One more reason for me to persevere in the fight for her heart over the Spartan.

“Why are you so tense? I was sure I left you spent?” Kyra asked with a hum as she kissed my shoulder and propped herself up on an arm.

“I don’t know what to do… I don’t know what to do from here on out.” I breathed feeling the pain in my chest at the thought of losing her.

I felt like the words would catch in my throat making me choke, my heart feeling torn into pieces, even though the moment should’ve been blissful. I didn’t want to be this unreasonable beast of jealousy and possession, but the pain in my heart grew bigger the closer I got to the woman in my arms. As sharp as ever, Kyra seemed to sense that what was bothering me was deeper than I could speak about. I didn’t know how to broach it, how to speak the words that would damn us so. I knew she loved Thaletas, I knew she had told me she would never cease to do so, and yet, I longed for it to be different.

“Why complicate your heart Kassandra, you have me in your arms.” Kyra tried and moved to press her lips against mine making my protest die in my lips.

Every chance I had to speak up, to demand change, to explain my heartache was lost in her lips. Every chance of redemption, dead on the grip I held on her hips. Kyra moved with purpose, I knew that look, she would try to erase my sorrows with her skin, try to mark my doubts with her nails as they scraped my back. I would let myself be torn by the carnal pleasure that was her love and by the all-consuming rage that she wasn’t mine. I would let myself be destroyed if it meant I got to spend a moment in her heart.

Kyra was everything and more, she was home to me. Even when I went from nervous to perverse she would tame the animal in me with her touch, with the darkness in her eyes as she held my gaze, with the smile upon her lips as she whispered my name under the heat of my fingers inside her. I wanted more and I would take it, she would give it freely with an arch of her back, a brush of her lips, a moan to the Heavens and a tremble of her thighs. I would take Kyra as many times as she would give herself to me, I had the hopes of erasing his mark in her heart.

*

It was after Podarkes was finally dead that I had begun to anxiously wait for the axe to drop. I was a mess, knowing my time in Mykonos was close to being over. I had come to the island to help the rebels, while doing so, I had found the deepest love I had ever experienced in my life. I knew Kyra had sensed this, but with the knowledge that her father was dead and the uncertainty that gave her heart, she was distant. I couldn’t find a way to reach her, she had trapped herself in this endless cycle of self-loathing that hurt me when I saw it. I knew how it felt, to feel that loss, that powerless and without a purpose. It was how I felt when I saw Thaletas stand beside her by her father’s burning body, it was how I felt when she fell into his embrace and cried. How I longed to be the one holding her and supporting her.

I had kept my distance until the celebration of victory. Many of the rebels had come to shake my hand and offer their gratitude. I smiled and nodded, thanking them for trusting me, knowing that my crew in the Adrestia would’ve done the same. The Adrestia and the life at sea seemed so far away after the many nights I had spent in Mykonos holding Kyra’s warm skin against my own. Did that mean anything to her? Did I? I had to shake my head at the thoughts, I knew I wasn’t meant to stay, but if she wanted me to, how could I say no?

I wanted the life she offered, a life of simplicity and warmth every night. I wanted to stay to see how it would feel to just give in to what my heart desired. If I could wake up every morning looking into Kyra’s soft eyes and mischievous smile, I would start praying to Artemis like she wanted me to. I wanted the nights at the tavern as we raced to see who would finish the pints first, or the nights in the meadows where we would gaze upon the stars, naked and unafraid, the days under the sun working the fields around the small hut we could share. I had never wanted anything so badly, and yet, it was not mine to long for. It had never been mine to begin with and that cut deep into my heart.

I had watched as Thaletas walked away from her while I emptied the rest of my ale in a hurry. I couldn’t stop following the rebel with my eyes as she swept through the room, her head back with laughter, her beautiful smile in place. When those eyes settled on me, my body shivered with delight, the memory of her tongue on my skin, her hips against mine, her fingers buried deep in my hair fresh within my heart. ‘ _How could I walk away from this?’_ I had asked the heaven’s spitefully as Kyra swayed her hips towards me.

 

“Thanks for being here Kassandra, it means a lot.” Kyra whispered softly into my ear as we embraced. I savoured it as I pulled her warm body to mine touching the soft skin once more.

 

“I wanted to be here, you know that.” I said smiling as she pulled away with a wide excited smile.

 

“Oh! Did you hear? They’re promoting Thaletas to General, and sending him back to Sparta in the morning.” Kyra explained and my heart raced with the possibilities this new scenario brought.

 

“That is what he deserves. The recognition of Sparta… I know it means a lot to him.” I had replied trying not to sound too eager.

 

“I sent out two notes, and who responds? Kassandra, the Eagle Bearer and Thaletas, a Spartan.” Kyra shook her head bitterly as if fighting her heart that was being torn in two, while taking a drink from her ale. “He’s going, but we’re together, like Artemis and Apollo, like Mykonos and Delos. And the people are celebrating us.”

 

“Yes, but…” I started but quieted quickly when our conversation was interrupted by a ruckus where the music and wine was. I heard the rebels cheer in loud unison when Thaletas appeared at the centre of it all with a wide smile and loud laughter. I felt my body tense, but I dismissed it knowing that he was more than likely going to announce his departure from the island. The Spartan smiled in our direction, I could see the love reflected in his eyes and it was then, the dread _really_ set in the pit of my stomach, much like it did that night on Mount Tayagetos.

 

“The Victory we all had been fighting for is finally here! Upon the tale of our conquests, Sparta had agreed to recognize me as a General.” The crowd roared and he laughed, waving his hands for the crowd to quieten. My stomach was in knots with tension. “However I know Mykonos needs me, my Kyra needs me.”

 

The Spartan reached out his hand and as if in a trance, Kyra approached him with an embarrassed smile and a wave of her hand, not used to the attention. Kyra’s eyes scanned the crowd for me and when they found me she shot me an apologetic look. However, it was at his side that she remained.

 

“I have sent Sparta word, I am needed here much more than there. Sparta has a Champion to sway her battles.” His proud voice was sickening as he waved at me. “I am sure Kassandra, the mighty Eagle Bearer will be more than enough to sway the war, as she has done time and time again.

 

The bile that rose in my throat was enough to make me look away. Thankfully, most took it as embarrassment, nobody noticed my white knuckles as I fought for restraint, my pulse quickening at the anger and resentment. I tuned out the rest of the speech as the men hollered their approval. I needed to get out of there before I was nothing but shell full of fury, anger and despair. If Thaletas was to stay, I couldn’t remain, my anger would only grow along with my resentment and who knew what I would do in a moment of rage. I couldn’t live like that, knowing Kyra would hate me so.

 

I couldn’t forget who I was; I was a slave, and I was a master, with no restraints and unchecked collectors, I existed through my need, to self-oblige to my quest and this was where I would stray from the path of my heart. I noticed Kyra walking to me, the urge to hold her one last time, to kiss her the way I craved was almost overwhelming but the happiness on her face said it all.

 

“Thaletas is here to stay, perhaps, I could convince you to do the same?” Kyra said, hope in her voice.

 

“I’ll set sail soon,” I admitted with a tense jaw knowing that if Thaletas was to stay there was no room for me at all.

 

“Kassandra, I… you mean a lot to me, but--” Kyra’s voice broke as her lip quivered and I shook my head.

 

“Don’t. Please, I would like to leave in peace.”

 

The choice had been made and I wasn’t the victor. I saved the pain in my heart for the next battle, the next conquest, the next swing of my blade. Fighting the urge to run from the party, I stayed, drank, ate laughed but always aware to not be in the same room as the rebel. I stuck to my word setting sail in the morning.

 

But I always looked back with longing in my heart, a heavy pit in my stomach wondering if I could have done things differently, if there had ever been a chance for us. Even after the years had passed I still wondered if Kyra would be the only woman I would ever love?

 

****

 

The hot Greek sun was unbearable on my back as I bounced up and down with the gallop of my horse, Phobos. His fur smelled of the earth he had laid on beneath the shade of a tree while I hunted elk with my eagle, Ikaros before lunch. Now well past midday, I tried fruitlessly to understand what direction I had aimed for when I started my ride. I had a quest to complete, but that knowledge would do me no good with no sense of where I was headed. With a sigh, I rubbed the horse's mane as I tried to shake away the pain in my chest. It was too late to go back, to ask Kyra to let me stay. Now I had a Cult to chase and a man to kill for his lies. Word was that he was near and I couldn’t wait to sink my blade onto the snake in the grass that was Elpeanor.

 

"I know I'm lost Ikaros," I answered the smug eagle flying above me who had squawked his opinion.  "I just have to find a higher point to center myself. Phokis is not familiar to me, you know this. Why don't you go on ahead and see where I can climb to get my bearings?"

 

With the prompt, the bossy eagle flew ahead, leaving me with my horse and my thoughts. Thoughts of an empty heart and a question deep in my heart. _‘Was it a dream?’_ Had the moments I loved the fiercest been a mirage of a war-torn soul? My eyes watered as I took a sigh knowing the past was gone, returning to Mykonos would only serve as more ammunition for my enemies.

 

I snapped my head up to Ikaros' caw, turning my attention away from the now painful memories I held of the land I once felt could become home, home because _she_ was there. The eagle was trying to get me to follow and I spurred Phobos on as we galloped faster to where Ikarus motioned. Before long I could see a temple ahead, stretching up from the vast green foliage that surrounded it.

 

With a smile, I approached the temple and climbed freely, knowing the rumblings about Elpeanor’s whereabouts drew him near to my spear. I would let it all run red, for with his death perhaps a wound would close in my heart, and Kyra would be nothing more than another scar to hurt on rainy days. I looked around hoping tonight would be the night I would lay my head and not think of _her,_ of _us_ and what could’ve been.

 

“This is sacred ground. You should not be here.” A voice spoke catching my attention.

 

_‘Oh Artemis, what did you have in store for me now?’_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you guys enjoyed me dipping my toes into Kyssandra a bit more. Here I explore the possibility of Kyra being Kassandra's first love and heartbreak given that the game takes place through several years. If you guys enjoyed it please make sure to kudos/comment and if you subscribe to my page you will be notified when pieces like this are published.


End file.
